Every year, everybody and their brother has their list of things that are going to make the new year better. Not this guy! Consider this my resolution or anti resolution for 2020. Here are 20 things I ABSOLUTELY won’t be doing in 2020.
- Eat Indian food.I’m 42 years old. Why start now, plus I have the digestive constitution of a toddler. Need I say more?
- Ride the big Ferris Wheel down town. It’s a Ferris wheel. I’ve seen all I need to see of the city from the Arch.
- Go to Alton/Grafton. I’m 100% positive its lovely. It’s also far.
- Spend a day at a winery. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been known to tie one on, but I don’t need to drive an hour, or how ever long it is, to drink overpriced wine.
- Go on a road trip. While were on the subject of driving to far away places. I will not be going on a road trip any time soon. BOOORING!
- Go to a music festival.I know working for an alternative radio station, just saying this is sacrilegious. Why would I pay close to '2 billion dollars' to go to a destination most likely driven to (see #5) to see 60 bands I really don’t care about and the one band I might care about is playing on a stage so far away It could be complete strangers and I’d never know the difference. #NOchella!
- Go camping. Hey everybody, lets drive and hour and a half away (again see #5) and pretend like were homeless. AWESOME!
- Go floating. (see #7) add water and canoes.
- Eat better. Last year I started working out and eating better, or so I thought. I lost almost 20lbs. I continued working out but stopped it with the salads and carb cutting. Still kept the weight off.
- Leave the Country. Everything I need is right here in the good old US of A.
- Any social media challenge. Chances are if your social media post start with “I bet 20% of my friends won’t share this” I’ve already scrolled past it.
- Dealing with glasses and contacts. I’m done with it. I’ve worn some form of corrective eye wear since the 2nd grade. I’m going to pull the trigger on Lasik.
- Dryuary or anything that makes you take time off from drinking. There’s too much blood in my alcohol stream as it is.
- Using food delivery apps. So you mean to tell me I can get overpriced food delivered directly to my house for a “small delivery fee” I’m good. I'll drive there and get it myself.
- Stop using plastic bags. Have you ever tried to get 21 paper grocery bags in to your house in one trip? If you said you said yes. You’re lying. The end.
- Adopt another animal. 2 dogs and 2 kids are enough. I’ll think about it when one of them goes away.
- Swim in a lake. Gross! If I can’t look down and see my waist that a nope.
- Go to my 25 year high school reunion. Why go? With the invention of social media I don’t need to see what these people are up to. Especially when I can 'not care' from the privacy of my own home.
- Get an Instapot. Nothing that anyone has ever made from one of these devices looks remotely appetizing.I’m team Air Fryer, all day.
- Go to a funeral. This one is on you. Don’t you go dying on me!