Aries: You need to take a mental break. Either take a bubble bath or quit your job and move to the woods and grow a beard and write about trees that talk to you.
Libra: This is a great day for you! You'll only loose your keys twice and a guy will awkwardly say hello to you in an elevator! wow. some fine romance.
Taurus: Go join the knitting club at the local farmers market. You're too lonely and you need more friends who don't blackout on weekends.
Scorpio: Do you think you're a good person? CAUSE YOU ARE NOT. You're a horrible friend. I know you borrow that skirt three months ago and still haven't returned it. WOW becky.
Gemini: More like GeminiLIE cause you need to lie to get through the day today. "how are you doing?" Just say fine. No one really cares about your day, okay?
Sagittarius: You are perfect just the way you are today! Except you definitely need to get your eyebrows done.
Cancer: Listen to music on your way home! make sure its z1077 or else your week will be cursed AF
Capricorn: A hottie will come your way today and you'll build up just enough courage to ignore him and awkwardly avoid eye contact.
Leo: You are a great friend today! Someone will reach out to you for help and you need to assist. Even if it's help hiding a body...you're a great friend you can't turn back now.
Virgo: Your boss is going to be a di** today. Just slap him and turn around and say, "I am a queen!" then cry while applying for jobs later today.
Aquarius: "That girl" you know the one in the office who is always late and barely works. She sometimes eats your CLEARLY LABELED yogurt outta the fridge and just gossips all damn day. That's you. You are that girl.
Pisces: You are going to eat your lunch an hour early and then end up having three lunches because you forgot you ate. That's cool though because one of your lunches will be a liquid lunch and you'll show up to work LIT and ready to push some numbers