So I've made enough dating mistakes this year to fill up an entire blog post. I'll go a little personal on this one but- honestly- when am I ever not exposing all of myself on air or online?
At the beginning of the year I was in lust- not love but definitely worthy of a couple tears- with a man who was recently engaged. Thats the mistake...
Mistake #1: Falling for a guy who is recently dumped.
Heres a big piece of advice for you...if a man says "I'm not ready for a relationship" he means...."I'm not ready for a relationship."
No exceptions. He isn't going to magically decide to be in one because you think you're something special. You might be perfect for each other -in your head- but if the timing is off then it is not going to work out.
The guy I was with was recently engaged and then dumped. When you're with someone who is fresh out of a breakup you need to realize that person needs to spend time with only one person themselves. They need to be alone for a long time and you being there is only stopping them from growing.
The next guy was moving. But so was I? So whats wrong with casual relationship with a definitive end date? Um...everything.
Mistakes #2: Thinking I can do "casual"
Turns out I can't. Maybe you can. But probably not when the guy is someone you could see yourself with. Trust me on this one. Dont do "casual" with someone who you want to be with because you'll just end up drunk dialing him one night confessing your love for him.
Do you really the love the guy? Or is the idea of someone you know you can't have just tempting?! Yeaaah. Took me a minute to realize this one. The man was one of my good friends. We stayed up late drinking wine and talking about everything under the sun. But in the end he was just that- a really good friend.
To be honest after those two I decided to take a break from dating. I tried casually dating via dating apps....this is how it went....
So I think it's obvious what my next mistakes was....
Mistake #3: Using dating apps like the bachelor
Maybe you're like me and you used datings app and spoke to like 10-30 people at a time. Trying to hold a conversation with multiple people diminishes the return on those convos. You're trying to spread your time with too many people which means you never really develop any sort of relationship with any one of them. Taking it slow is a much better route. Swipe on 5. Talk to those ones. Go on dates. Decide who you like the most. Dating multiple people is very time consuming and honestly just exhausting.
While I haven't really dated many people this year. I did learn a few things. Okay- it's probably not smart taking dating advice from the woman with a cat but is it better to take dating advice from your friends who you know are just settling??
Here is my advice....
DO NOT SETTLE
That's the simplest way to put what I want to say.
There are people who are just settling for okay relationships, okay jobs and okay lives. Okay is a comfortable place to be but it's not what you want. Okay isn't passionate and fulfilling. Okay isn't something you risk everything for because you know it's what you want more than anything else. It's okay. Don't settle for just okay.